I grew up mostly being the tallest and skinniest female in every class.  As a kid, I was called skeleton, basketball player, and was told my head and nose were big.  At 21 years old, I was 5’7” tall and weighed around 102 lbs., constantly heard comments about my legs being skinny, and was often asked if I had an eating disorder. 

These comments and questions were clearly hurtful, especially at a young age.  When someone would say something negative to me my mom would ask me, “How did someone else’s words hurt you?  Did they hit you?”.  My rational 8-year-old mind thought, “well they didn’t physically hurt me; therefore, I guess it shouldn’t hurt me?”.  At the time, this is how my mother did her best to shift my feelings to a better place.  Sure, my mother’s tangible perspective on judgmental words supported me in my life, yet unbeknownst to me, I was moving forward with unresolved feelings. As an adult, I really didn’t put much thought into this, and as a matter of fact, I didn’t see this as a problem.  Consciously, I was not thinking about the negative words in my everyday life, however it was not until a therapy session in my adult years that I learned I was still believing the negative words I heard about myself when I was a kid.  My earlier experiences from being bullied were showing up as a false need to protect myself from rejection in certain areas in my life.  Even though my mom did a great job supporting me to feel better when this happened, I kept my initial response and feelings internalized.  My subconscious mind has no idea of dates and times and only operates from formed beliefs that were created by past events.  Luckily, I was blessed enough to have this new awareness, and I was then able to start working on this.  My therapist and I worked on revisiting childhood events where I was bullied, and then processed internalized feelings that were coming up for me.  On my own, I was mindful to not believe and interrupt negative thoughts, then intentionally would shower myself with new positive thoughts.  

In retrospect, I am going to say judgmental words, shaming, name calling, and bullying especially in formative years, can impact our belief system.  As adults we have an awareness about having a choice of whether we believe words or not, however our ability to choose our truth is influenced by perspectives created from an earlier age.  One way to work on a healthy mind set is to practice curiosity when self-doubt shows up, and without judgement accept and feel the feelings.  Beginning with exploring where the feelings are coming from.  What were the thoughts before the feelings? Journal and decide whether the thoughts still serve a purpose.  Then you have the option to let the thoughts go and become your own cheerleader by intentionally praising yourself with positive words.  Please keep in mind if the idea of exploring your thoughts and feelings is too big, speaking to a Licensed Therapist is supportive because they are trained to create a safe and trusting space.  I believe coming from a curious mindset is a game changer, especially about what does not feel good because it leads to neutral information that serves as guidance.  Feedback and feeling our feelings, yes even the ugly ones, is important because from there we can move forward with a clean canvas to create from scratch, which is where a positive mind set will flourish with beautiful creations.  I practice this with my two beautiful daughters.  I love having conversations with them, asking them how their day is going, what was their favorite and least favorite part of their day? How was school? And most importantly, I love asking them for their perspective.  This allows us to share experiences, process feelings, accept our reality and recreate something new.  Good news is, regardless of our age, we all hold the power and always have a new opportunity to re-create new perspectives that lead to happier lives.  I promise this is possible, I see transformation with my clients consistently. Believe it, see it, feel it, and practice it!  Wishing you a wonderful day, may you be well!

Diana Diaz – Certified Restorative & RTT Hypnotherapist
Astonishing Mind Hypnotherapy
“Let us be the lantern, you already know the path.”