Now that I have shared about my first client in my previous blog, I am now going to share the third and last time I had severe anxiety and panic attacks. Initially when I had my first panic attack, I thought it was the worst experience of my life, and then when I had my second triggering event with anxiety and panic attacks I thought the same. Well, this time ladies and gentlemen, this third event that triggered my anxiety and panic attacks takes the win for the most difficult experience.
It was almost two years ago, a few months into the COVID Pandemic, that I found my father in a sleep like state trying to wake up in the morning. I first thought he was trying to fall back asleep, but as I slowly closed the door something did not feel right. I opened the door again quickly and saw him struggle to open his left eye to look at me. I yelled for my husband to come and help. My sister and husband were having a hard time getting my father to respond. I immediately called 911 and within a couple of minutes, firefighters arrived and got my father to respond. We were told my father’s blood sugar dropped and it was best to take him to the hospital to be safe. As my father got wheeled out, I told him he was going to be just fine and he would be home soon.
Hours passed and my family and I started to worry, because we had not received a call to pick up my father. Due to COVID, we couldn’t be with my dad as we normally would when he had a hospital visit or stay. Days started passing by and our worry increased. On the third day, we got a call from the doctor saying my dad couldn’t breathe on his own, and asked us to decide if we should let him die or put him on a ventilator. They also let us see him through a glass window and the doctor put him on a ventilator before we could decide. Again, when I saw my father through the glass window, he did his best to open his eyes and made contact with me. I was outside the room praying, and he was sedated. How did he know and have strength to do that? I don’t know, it only made me hold onto faith even stronger. After my visiting turn was over, I begged the nurse to please play his recorded meditation. Again, days went by, and by the 7th day we got a call from the Doctor again saying we could visit my father. We were eager to go as it was his birthday. When I went in the room, my father was only skin and bones. He was looking up at the ceiling, his eyes were watery and his lips were dry. He was not talking, and he couldn’t move much. I remember caressing his hair, massaging his feet, telling him how much I loved him and how he was going to get better and come home soon. I left the hospital feeling shocked about how I saw my father, and with pain in my stomach as if I had been punched in the gut. Within an hour or so, we got the call…. The call that informed us of my father’s passing. I was in shock, and relieved for my father at the same time. It was not what I wanted to hear, however I did not want my father to continue suffering if he was not going to get better. My family and I were shocked, heartbroken and in pain.
As the days passed my adrenaline from the suspenseful recent events started wearing down, and I became fatigued. I started losing my energy rapidly. My mouth was dry. I was tired but couldn’t sleep. My mind became flooded with fear. Fear of where did my father go; was he terrified, is he still alive in some form, or is this really it and he is gone forever. Between obsessive worry, fear, and sadness I began to have heart palpitations. I believe it was only within 5 days after my dad’s passing that I began to experience heavy anxiety and panic attacks. I was anxious all day and night, and the anxiety would interchange with panic attacks. My heart palpitations stayed with me 24 hours every day. I felt like I was in a nightmare. The anxiety and panic attacks became my biggest concern, and my dad’s passing became a secondary concern. I started to lose mobility, and needed help to go to the bathroom and eat. I spent my days and nights lying in bed. My physical health was deteriorating rapidly, and I was losing weight fast. My doctor kept running test after test to find the root cause aside from acknowledging I was having panic attacks and depression from grief. I was feeling emotionally, mentally, and physically exhausted. I knew at this point I needed all hands-on deck, and this was not something for me to figure out on my own.
I started seeing a therapist right away. I reached out to friends and was blessed to be connected to a grief counselor, life coach, hypnotherapy, and medical advice. I saw my general doctor regularly, and also met with a couple of specialists. My family and friends were always there for me and within a few months I was able to get back on my feet. It took a village to support my recovery, and I am grateful for each and every person that stepped into my life when I needed them the most. I consider each person that supported me an angel, a helper sent by my father. While this was not an easy journey, I thank my father for the biggest transformation of my life. I am a happy, free, and powerful human being that finds joy in being an angel to someone else on this earth. May you all be well.
Diana Diaz – Certified Restorative & RTT Hypnotherapist
Astonishing Mind Hypnotherapy
“Let us be the lantern, you already know the path.”
